Second Coming canceled due to poor ticket sales

The return of Our Lord and Saviour to cleanse the Earth of Sin as prophesied in the Book of Revelation has been postponed indefinitely due to poor retail sales.

Will be offering full refunds.

Ticketmaster have stated that, "People just don't have the same interest in the Biblical Apocalypse as they might have once had. Modern Hollywood blockbusters such as 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, The Knowing, and Mean Girls have given people a false expectation that can never be fulfilled with a few locusts and a bit of murky water. I may be speaking out of school but it may be time for Our Lord Jesus Christ to retire and make way for a harbinger of the Apocalypse who is more in-tune with the modern doomsayer."

The End: Delayed.

WNN were unable to reach Our Lord for comment however his press cherub did issue us the following statement:

"The Lord Jesus Christ, as representative of God's Will on Earth has been forced to cancel the impending Apocalypse due to unforeseen artistic differences with members of the Host and the Fallen. At this time He cannot say when He will be touring again, He will be taking some time with his Father and getting back to His carpentry roots to focus on what is really important in His life. He hopes that in time He will have new material that will give His long time fans the comeback that they deserve, in the meantime members of the Fallen will be finishing the current Middle East tour. Lord Jesus thanks you for your support and love, God be with you. Peace."

This is an unfortunate turn of events for many doom cults around the globe, especially for the eagerly awaited 2012 whirlwind tour starting in the Yucatan and ending in Belfast's Odyssey Arena which had been pipped to be 'the Apocalypse to end all Apocalypses'.

WNN can bring you exclusive news however that Our Lord Jesus may be doing a solo tour for select crowds across the globe from his Kerrang Award winning 'End of Days', beginning in the Limelight in Belfast this Autumn.

Coming soon to the Limelight.